Don’t I Deserve a Break?
Following my Instagram post I fully intended to write about my time spent in Mexico with a few friends. It was the longest time I had ever been away from my kids and Mike(since we started living together ten years ago) and I thought I would encourage other moms to do the same for the sake of their own mental health. However, upon my arrival home I encountered a lot of comments that I have deemed more important to discuss.
Just to share a few:
“Why were gone such a long time?”
“Why do you get to go on a trip and Mike doesn’t?”
“Didn’t you miss the kids the whole time?”
So let me start by asking, in my most Carrie Bradshaw way I possibly could;
“Don’t I deserve a fucking break?”
Everywhere I’ve turned, someone is trying to belittle me or make me feel guilty about taking a trip and leaving my husband and kids at home. And it really pisses me off to be perfectly honest because I needed this trip. I needed to get away.
I love my kids. I do. What parent doesn’t? But sometimes, a parent needs to not be a parent. Before making any plans regarding the trip, Mike and I talked about the logistics of the whole thing. When, where, how much, how long and we made a plan together. He was in on it the whole time encouraging me to go. He understands my day to day life.
So let’s gets some facts laid out on the table for those who don’t or choose to ignore:
I had Nathan June 3rd 2014, a week and a half past my due date.
I have been his childcare his entire life(also Brynn’s).
I’ve dealt with and am still struggling life PPD along with anxiety.
I have had multiple miscarriages.
I have made every meal and gotten every snack.
I’ve parented alone while Mike was on work team building trips with just Nathan and will him and Brynn.
I have changed more blown out diapers, gone to more emergency room visits, experienced more temper tantrums, and food related issues on my own that only a SAHP or single parent could understand.
My full time job is to parent. At a full time job, say at a grocery store, you leave your home, go to work, and then head home. You get days off, sick days, and vacation time. My job requires me to be on 24/7. No sick days, no weekends, and vacation is double-time because I do all the planning, packing, unpacking, laundry, and usually the driving.
When people see my husband in action they are constantly telling me how great he is with our kids. He is an amazing dad, there is no doubt about that. But I feel like I’m constantly failing as a parent because they equate this fraction of time he spends with them as to why they are so great and why they are succeeding. No one sees me doing the hard work. In terms of theatre, I’m building the sets, getting the props, making the costumes, setting the lights, and drawing the curtains. But he is the actor. He is the star of the show. And frankly, I didn’t sign up for that either.
So I’ll ask again, don’t I deserve a fucking break?
I realize, yes, I signed up for this as a parent. But I did not sign up for the judgement, especially FROM OTHER PARENTS(PS shame on you). If you really understood the day to day struggles I face I would hope you would reconsider your thinking.
To everyone that still thinks I don’t deserve a break or that I was gone too long: I hope no one ever puts you in a position to feel the way I do as you judge me. Parents, especially SAHP, need time away.
Parents: TAKE A FUCKING BREAK! I urge you. As much as I hadn’t prepared for the shit storm of assholes when I got home, it was AMAZING. I highly recommend it. And don’t let anyone tell you different!