I’m trying to write…

I find myself struggling to write. Whether it is about a project we are currently doing, preparing to do or a recipe we have made dozens of times.

It’s so fucking hard. I struggle so much to put out posts. The projects and crafts and food we make are awesome. I take the pictures and prepare my thoughts in my head but they never seem to translate onto the blog. I feel as if I have the thoughts and ideas but writing them down, typing them out, seeming the words or trying to get them out is so hard and I don’t know why.

Am I subconsciously going back to the fifth grade and worried about what people will think? I know I’m not that kid anymore. I’m not even close to the girl I was in high school. I’m a grown as woman with confidence, knowledge, and drive. But why can’t I do this?

Am I channeling the fear that maybe this isn’t for me? My lifestyle doesn’t depend on this. I tell myself its just for fun and if it isn’t successful that’s ok. But then I see other blogs and other Instagram pages being so successful so quickly and I feel envious. Why isn’t this me?

Am I fighting a vicious cycle? I have trouble writing but if I don’t write and don’t put myself out there I can’t do this. How do I completely shut out the world, friends and family included and just work? Do I make this my full, eh, part time job? As a stay at home parent finding even the slightest bit of free time is amazing all on its own.

I don’t want to sound preachy to readers. I don’t know everything there is to know. Not even close. Is my life experience worth people reading about? What do I really know?

Call it anxiety, fear of failure or whatever you want but please let me know what it is because I need to figure this out.